>A Rant For The Road
>I guess this is just my day to be pissed off at stupid, ignorant people. Just read on imdb.com that Andrew Koenig’s body was found. Suicide. So I read the article and, unfortunately, the responses at the bottom. Some uninformed, never been there, know it all asshole wrote that, ah, now we have to hear about depression for a while, the guy was 41, had money and access to all kinds of help, bury him and get over it…wow! I would like to respond to this – ? I can’t think of a word to describe this person (term used very loosely) that apparently he doesn’t know a thing about depression. Duh! Depressed people believe the GREAT LIE. That’s what I came to call it. It’s when you really, honestly, down to the core of your being believe there is no hope, no way out, no end to the pain, no one hears you, and no one understands. You believe your life doesn’t matter, that the world would be better off without you in it, that people who are supposed to care really don’t. You can’t breathe. You can’t function. You can’t see. Hope is for the ones who did something right and tomorrow is just more pain; you feel hollowed out, empty, like the shell of a human whose carcass is slowly rotting away and you’re just waiting for someone to notice the smell. Stupid ass jerk off (sorry about language but this is one of my soapbox issues). Grass is green. We’re told this from infancy. Everyone says so, so it must be true. What if we found out it wasn’t. What if someone came from another planet and pointed out all the valid, TRUE reasons that grass was actually orange. We would be stunned, shocked, unbelieving. Depression is like that. We believe all the negative stuff, even in the face of truth. What is really true simply cannot be. Otherwise, wouldn’t we recognize it? No, we wouldn’t. The GREAT LIE has beaten us down, down to utter and complete submission. The GREAT LIE runs through our veins, permeates our being and only (sometimes, as in my case) a miracle can cut through the darkness and reveal the tiniest morsel of hope.
As a safety chairman for 4 years, I got to go to really neat meetings. At one, we took a stress test. A questionnaire with a list of things that we might have experienced in the last 6 months. I scored the highest out of 3 shifts. Dang. Everyone doesn’t have the same tolerance thresholds, or the same thresholds for different things. You can’t look at someone’s issues and say you could handle it better. Maybe you could. But other things, the other person could handle better. We are all different, break in different places and in different ways. I hope the insensitive, ignorant bleeper never has to experience what Andrew did on levels that might actually cause him to break. Then he would be wishing he hadn’t said all those mean things….