I was thinking yesterday about time. How it slips away so quickly or drags along, depending on our perception.
Time is a funny thing. When horror strikes, it actually seems to stop, prolonging the feelings of fear and helplessness while our bodies pump adrenaline at 10x speed. Every second seems to last hours and everything that happens during those brief moments is captured on permanent hi-def cells in our minds. And as soon as the crisis passes or lessens, we feel as if we are on fast forward and exhausted, our limbs weighing us down with every attempted movement.
It’s funny, though, because (for me at least) when a chance to give in to the exhaustion comes in the form of sleep, the edges of those sharp memories are already beginning to dull, details are hard to recall. But I can clearly remember feelings, noises and smells.
Another way time is funny is when we think of the past. For me, the past is a minefield. Among all the sunny days filled with play and laughter are shadows that hold dreadful secrets and fearsome truths. But it’s funny, I mostly remember the good times, the unstained “photos” in my mind, even though they seem very far away. Like flipping through a scrapbook, I can remember lots of the “photos” there, but with some of them, the past impinges like a sickness, causing the Keeper of Locked Away Feelings to grow weak, allowing shades to escape and taint them. As a result, many of the photo-memories hold vague feelings of fear, pain, sorrow, anger, and shame. Needless to say, I don’t purposely visit my past often, though it often visits me…
I usually never feel “old” but I tell people I can look back a long way. When I think about all the ways the world and the people around me have changed, time amazes me. Where did all the years go? How did so much change so fast? How did Nephew become a young man? How is it possible that Honey and I have been married almost nine years and together, in one way or another, more than ten? My Heavenly Niece is twenty-three and my Heavenly-Nephew is five! Mother (also in Heaven) is nearly seventy! How is that possible?!! In the movie The Legend of Bagger Vance, a character, when talking about the past, says it was just a moment ago…and that’s how it feels.
When I think about all that I want to do, time seems to be flying right at me at light speed. There’s not enough of it. It’s coming too fast. And I think about all of it that I’ve wasted.
Time really is a precious commodity. We can never get a re-do. Like Steve Miller said, time keeps on slippin’ slippin slippin’…into the future…