>Looking Back To See Ahead
>I haven’t talked very much about it, but my mom, before she went to Heaven in 1994, spent the whole month of Nov. 1993 in the hospital. While she was there, she actually had a great doctor. He pointed out to me that she suffered from severe chronic depression. At the time, I accepted his words pretty much at face value. I knew it was true, but it wasn’t until several months later that I really poured over the truth he had given me. It explained so very much of our lives. I could look back and point out specific incidents, behaviors, moods, and evidences. It made some really murky memories and feelings crystal clear.
So what, you might ask. Well, first I have to say this. Director is pretty cool. She can tell stories in such a way that you feel you experienced whatever it is she’s talking about right along with her. She’s funny, witty, insightful, and has a pretty unique perspective on life and all the quirks and warts it entails. So quite often, if you drop by the office in the afternoons, you will find usually more than one off the clock employee sitting in a chair or lounging on the sofa-listening to a story.
Last week, I was lounging around and we began talking about symptoms of ADHD. Director has always laughingly referred to her quirkiness (think that might be my word for the day?) as being a result of her own ADHD. I always thought she was being funny. She told me last week she really is ADHD. Hmmm, I thought. Really? Yes, she insisted. I replied that I had once taken a WebMD test and scored pretty high for having it myself, but I dismissed it as being just a thing to frighten people into going to the doctor and getting on meds. We began talking about symptoms, challenges, feelings, and so forth. Dang. I think I might really have a bit of it myself.
I’m prone to mild anxiety attacks but I won’t take the Xanax the doctor recommended (don’t like anything stronger than Excedrin or DayQuil). So, I just deal. Today I had a free day off and spent it with an anxiety attack that has lasted a long time. Even now, I feel clenched, tight, and anxious. And angry. Out of nowhere, I feel angry at everyone and everything. There is so much to do and it makes me feel so overwhelmed that my response is to do nothing. Then I stress about it. And so the circle goes. Hmmm. It would explain a lot. Looking back I can see lots of little indicators-guess I should lounge around in the office again and learn some coping tricks…