>A Christmas Tale Blogfest – My Special Christmas Wish…..

>

This is my entry for the Christmas Tales Blogfest hosted by Ellie Garrett. Be sure to go over and check out all the other entries…..

When I decided to share some Christmas memories in the form of stories, I didn’t know what I was getting in to. I’ve gone off in directions I hadn’t expected and had to dredge up feelings and allow myself to be what I call emotionally naked. Something will pop into my  head and demand to be written and I’m finding I have no idea what’s coming out until it’s there, no matter how hard it is for me. This one is very personal….

I’m going to ask you to do something. Please play the video, softly, then begin reading.

This one  is for my very own, real CindyLoo….

Dear Daddy,

Things are kinda busy here, as You well know. It’s my favorite time of year and I really want to recapture that special magic that it used to have.

Funny, isn’t it, how it’s my favorite thing I got from Mom, my love of Christmas….I wish she could be here but knowing she’s with You makes it alright. Tell her I said hello and that I love her, would You?

I have a blog now and for Christmas, I’m posting stories from (mostly) my childhood. It’s kinda scary, though, the way it’s turning out. Things are coming out of me I hadn’t expected. Like this letter….

I’ve been thinking a lot about Sister lately. She’s pretty much made herself unwanted with everyone else but me. I suppose because I can remember when things were different and she was a different person….

We used to spend whole days shopping at Christmas. Even when we had no money, we’d find ways to get everyone something. And we’d laugh the whole time. Do You remember the time with the race track for Brother? I wrote about that. She was a great Santa. Brother probably doesn’t remember – he was still pretty young.

We always called each other on our birthdays. She never forgot to call….

She was the one who went with me to the doctor and she stayed with me when they told me I was probably going to die without immediate surgery. I was so scared. I wouldn’t have made it without her there. She was the one who drove me home, 11 days later, and we laughed about getting stopped for speeding and me getting taken in because I had lost so much weight and I looked like a junkie…all those IV’s.

She wanted me in the hospital room with her when Niece was born. I’ve never witnessed anything as miraculous as Niece being born. My arms shook from holding her upright during her epidural….and she never cried out in pain. Not once. Even though the epidural didn’t take.

Remember what a mess she was when First Niece was born and she came to live with You? I think that messed her up a lot….along with so many other things.

Nephew has forgotten how she was all he had for so many years. He has a right to be angry about later; but for a long time…she was it.

So much has happened….and I don’t know if it can be fixed. It would have to be You. She won’t listen to anyone else, not even me.

And now…… now, it’s Christmas and I have no idea where she is except lost in the dark.

I guess what I really wanted to say, well, to ask, was….would You send some angels to watch over her? To keep her safe? Would You whisper to her when she sleeps and tell her that I remember? That I know that locked under all the pain and anger and hurt and fear and regret and sorrow and loss….is the self she used to be? And that it’s okay to feel all those feelings and that it’s safe to come back out?

Would You hold her in Your hand and make her feel safe and healed and whole?

And would You do the same for Niece and Nephew?

I miss her. I miss the she she used to be. I miss the we that we once were. But even if we could not be as we as we once were, I would wish that she could be the she You want her to be. That’s my Christmas wish, Daddy.

I will hold all the memories in my heart and cherish them. I will nurture them with all my hope and love till that day the wish becomes reality….

It’s getting late and I need a tissue, so I’m going to end here. Just please, consider my wish….

Thank You, Daddy
I’ll be in touch….
Love and hugs….
And Happy Birthday,

Me

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About CuriousCat

I love to learn new things-anything from how to create a junk journal to the way light moves through space; why cats present their behinds to us to the effects of chemicals on our endocrine system. If it interests me, I can spend hours reading and learning about it.

Posted on December 11, 2010, in dark/sparkle and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 20 Comments.

  1. >I will pray that your Christmas prayer be heard and answered. Sometimes the story doesn't end as we thought it would in our lives. If the light has died in the heart of someone you love, you must burn twice as bright for them. May a Christmas miracle be yours, Roland

  2. >Oh oh oh. *cries loudly*. This is too raw to be fiction right? May your prayers be answered and may your Christmas be absolutely beautiful, like you!

  3. >I hope your wish comes true. That was so sweet and tear inducing. *sniff* I hope you have a lovely and joyful Christmas.

  4. >WC,What a beautifully written story, although very sad and touching. I want to reach out and give you a hug as I include you and your sister in my own prayers that your Christmas wish be fulfilled. I too have a sister that I worry about each and every day and feel so 'helpless' where she is concerned and all I can do is pray she is helped and finds some sort of joy in her life…Blessings to you WC and thank you for opening up your heart for others to view…very powerful!

  5. >Such a touching letter. As someone who has a difficult relationship with my sister and niece, I feel your pain and sorrow. I pray that your prayer is heard.

  6. >Awh bless that is so touching. Loved the jar of wishes too. Christmas can be a time of wishing that our loved ones were with us and whole. I know from my own experiences. A lovely piece. :o)

  7. >A powerful read. Many thanks for giving it to us. I hope your prayers are answered.

  8. >well said, b… brought out my tears….

  9. >So very sad and hopeful at the same time. It makes me miss my mother. Very heartfelt. Thank you for posting.

  10. >Pass the tissues, you've set me off. Hoping all your christmas wishes come true.

  11. >That was heartfelt and sad. I wish you joy at Christmas. Slide with the changes and keep moving on.

  12. >Wow. Tears are flowing down my cheeks. I hope your Christmas wish comes true. Beautifully done.

  13. >Oh! That is the most touching and sad thing I've ever read.

  14. >So, so touching and tender. It brought a lump to my throat. Wishing you many blessings and hopes for your wishes to come true.

  15. >***I just want to thank all of you for your thoughts and prayers. For some reason, I've been really thinking a lot about the absent ones lately and I really didn't know what I was in for when I planned to write some memories of Christmases past.I love the blogging community; all of you are so thoughtful and giving, and I appreciate it more than I could ever say.Thank you and I hope each of your Christmas wishes come true, too.

  16. >I hope all your Christmas wishes come true. Have a good weekend. Hugs and blessings…Mary

  17. >Sad, but sweet. We go thru seasons. Hopefully your sister, niece, and nephew will be seeing a new springtime and a happier summer.LeeTossing It Out

  18. >OK, yea. Ahem… Geez. I think I have something in my eye cuz I sure am tearing up.this was beautiful. Wow.

  19. >You have tugged my heartstrings WC. I am so moved, and I hope your prayers are answered. Thank you for sharing such an emotional memory. Trust is hard to give, and I'm so glad you trust this community with such deep understanding your yourself, and your writing.If this is who you base your character from, she will be compelling, and endearing personality with complex issues.Take care of yourself, and your writing will benefit. ………dhole

  20. >I am so moved and my prayers are with you. One of my sisters was 'lost' for so long. Finally she has come back…battle scarred and a bit 'worse for the wear'..but I'm glad she's not in the dark places that took her away for so long.So..never give up hope…just keep the prayers and faith…

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