Monthly Archives: May 2011

>Closed For…..Stuff

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My friends, 
lots of unforeseen life is happening right now.
I’m not going to have the time or the presence of mind
to keep up with any blogs, or even to post anything of my own.
Hopefully, for only a week or two,
I’ll be pretty much unplugged. 
Maybe less if I can get some things out of the way.
Take care and I hope to see you soon!
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>Awards: I’ve Been Hoarding!!!!!

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Just before the A to Z Challenge started, I was given some terrific awards. I meant to pass them around the weekend before the Challenge, but spring hit the ground running and I’m still trying to catch up. I had intended to do a whole post, following all the rules and distribute them as I’m supposed to. Thing is, it’s getting busier around here. This weekend is full – with unexpected personal stuff and work stuff. And hopefully some writing stuff.

So here’s what I’m doing. I’m posting the awards, who gave them to me, a link to their blog, and the rules for giving them out. (I’ve actually been working on this post a couple weeks-all the info has been saved in various drafts) Then, I’m asking you to simply take them. Especially the ones you don’t already have. I’m justifying this in my head by thinking about the Tinkerbell post. All of you matter to me. You’ve all been there for me. And if I could give each of you an Oscar, I would. Cause you deserve it.

And I’m asking you to let me be terribly lazy this time.

If you’ve not met one of these fantastic bloggers, I highly recommend you check them out. They’re funny, witty, clever, sweet, and worth your while!

In no particular order, here they are:

This one is from Jeremy over at iZombie. Cool, huh? 
This one gets passed around as you like (up to 10 people)
but at least 2 people need to be bloggers you just met.
Put in their links, and link back on their blog
so we can all meet each other.
Jeremy wants the blogging world littered filled with Zombie Rabbits!!!!
*note to Jeremy-given the reproduction rate of rabbits, this could be the apocalyptic zombie we’ve been dreading!*

This one is from Carol at Under The Tiki Hut. Ain’t it pretty?!!
Very festive and sparkly, like Carol 🙂
To pass this around, I have to tell 4 truths and 1 lie. Hmmmm…..
1. I write backwards with my left hand.
2. The smell of wood smoke in autumn is intoxicating to me.
3. I love hot summer nights.
4. Cooking is not my favorite thing to do.
5. I once dreamed of being an interpreter at the UN.

Donna Hole very kindly passed this along to me. Wow, thanks, Donna!
The only rule I found was to mention the creator, (Michelle Gregory at beautiful chaos) and then
pass it to those who’ve been there for you
in some capacity.
Considering how Donna is so loyal about scouring the blogs and posting
shouts out and flybys, I’m honored she’d think of me.

Just as a Thank You for following.
Isn’t it gorgeous?!!!
If you haven’t met her, she’s N. R. Williams’ daughter.
No wonder she’s talented!
She creates book covers and has art gifts for sale. 
Check out her blog!
I especially love her Monday Poems and Thursday Quotes 🙂

All my followers! Who wouldn’t want this beautiful award on their sidebar?!!!
Deirdra from A Storybook World gave me this very lovely award.
She regularly interviews authors and posts interesting writerly stuff on her blog.
Definitely pay her a visit!

Talei from Musings of an Aspiring Scribe gave this one to me, thanks Talei!
I’m supposed to reveal 7 interesting things about me. 
Since I posted 4 true ones above, I’ll list 3 more…..
1. As young as age 5, I held snakes for my uncle. He put them in the barn to keep rats away from the chickens.
2. I don’t like to watch dvd’s if they’re not in wide screen format. I hate the cut offs.
3. Part of the process of our layoff included talking to and taking tests with a counselor. Some of it was pretty in depth. I took this one test…..and stumped her. I’ll just say that my answers depend on what I’m thinking at the moment. Hee!

Well, there they are. Take them. And have a great weekend!
I’ll catch up with you sometime late tonight or tomorrow……..

>I Need A Mad Scientist……

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Hey Friends! Yeah, I’m cheating. Just wanted to put up something to keep you company till the weekend…..

Ahem. ‘K, I really do need a mad scientist. Here’s the thing. For years, I’ve carried around book ideas. No news there, I’ve mentioned that before.

I’m slowly working on two of the said ideas right now. With the prednisone, not much writing has been done, though. Serious lack of sleep makes one mental.

The happy side of the evil-making-waco pills is that my brain is bouncing around at all hours and last night, er, this morning – it HIT something. Something g o o o o o d. Something s h i i i i i n y. Oooooooooo!!!!!!

There’s this one book idea that I’ve had for years and years. Now, I know how to write it. *maniacally happy giggles* BUT!!! I’m being a good girl. I have too much on my plate already, so….I spent about an hour writing down all sorts of details, things I want to cover, how, what I need…..everything I could think of. Then – I closed the notebook. I really need to concentrate on the two things I have going right now.

That is…..unless you know of a mad scientist who could help me out…..? Maybe hook my brain-pan to the ‘puter and simply download everything? *batting eyes and don’t look at how red and glassy they look, I’m fine REALLY!* Help me grow about 8 temporary arms and a couple extra heads so I could type it all at once? It’s not as insane as it sounds and wouldn’t look as bad as you’d think! Non? Ah well, it was worth a shot.

This is kinda how I was feeling today at work after no sleep and getting my new shiny. Heee!

Have a great week and catchya Saturday! (Or Friday night)

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I’m no good at making up jokes. So I’m cheating! And keeping it short!

If you didn’t stop by yesterday, be sure go back and pick up the little something I created for you on the Tinkerbell post.
Have fun today, I know I will :))))

>My Tinkerbell Theory (Long-ish, But With A Surprise At The End)

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I do believe in fairies, I do! I do!

You ever have those days when it seems like you’re all alone in your quest for your dream? And everything and everyone is pulling at you from all possible directions and, when you finally do get to a quiet, peaceful moment, you’re too tired or too fuzzy to think creatively?

I’m not saying that there aren’t people around me who wish me well in my creative endeavor. It’s just that most of them have a lot going on in their lives and just don’t have the energy. They do want to know how it’s going, but, really, I can’t expect them to get all giddy about getting four thousand words written when they have to spend their evening going to a dozen sporting events, cooking dinner, and making sure everyone’s homework is finished. Some of my friends understand that trying to write something is hard, and they respect that. There are those who believe you can just pull the words out of your head and be published in a few months. I wish! But, really, they don’t understand what it takes, or what it costs.

It’s just not everyone’s thing. Like baseball isn’t mine. Honey is a great ball player and I would go watch some of his games if he played in a league. But come the hottest part of summer, I’d have to think of other ways to be supportive from time to time. Me and summer – we ain’t cool. And Honey would be fine with that. He knows that summer is not my thing.

Not everyone writes. So people don’t generally understand the emotional highs and lows, the ever plaguing doubts and insecurities, and the need to try, even if the dream of becoming published and successful inches farther and farther away every day.

I do have one friend who gets it, but he’s a college student. My co-teacher’s son, William. He’s an aspiring writer who plans to masquerade as a history teacher. The rare moments we get to see each other, there’s not enough time in the world to share our successes and failures and ideas, etc. But it’s good, for a few minutes, to speak the same language, to have the same understanding, you know?

That’s just one of the many, many reasons I’m so thankful to have all of you. Whether you know it or not, you help me. You inspire and encourage me. By commenting and commiserating; by going before and throwing breadcrumbs liberally behind you; and you even take a few minutes to read and offer feedback when I hesitantly put something up that’s writing, not just posting.

And what makes it even more special, is that you offer your time and support regularly, even with just plain ol’ everyday life stuff.

I don’t remember what made me think of Tinkerbell the other day, but when I did, I had this image of all of you. Of us; our little cyber-social world. Most of us are not what I call ‘face-to-face’ friends. We’ll likely never meet (except if you live in my state, it would really be cool!), but we still get to know each other a bit. I miss it when I can’t visit more regularly. I miss you when you’re gone for a while. There have been occasions when people have left permanently, one way or another, and I’ve been genuinely sad.

As I thought about Tinkerbell, I began to wonder. Sure, we blog for all sorts of reasons, but…..do you think – is there a bit of Tinkerbell inside us all? Inside of me?

I can only answer for myself. And I would have to say yes, I do believe there is a bit of her in me. Or, rather, I’m a little like her….somewhere. I get weary and tired. Especially when it comes to writing and trying to figure out some of the what if’s and the what now’s and so forth. Not to mention the self-sabotaging I do sometimes. And there isn’t anyone who understands. They want to, but, like I said before, it’s just not their thing. I love them for their desire to help and if their support is in the form of clearing the way for me to write uninterrupted and without any fuss because the dishes aren’t washed, then that’s fabulous to me *waving and blowing a kiss to Honey!*

I think that’s part of what makes you guys so special. You do understand. When one of us has fallen down because of rejections, or a block, or illness, or whatever, we clap our hands and remind each other that we do believe, we do believe! We remind each other that there are people out there, somewhere, tethered to a computer in a room, typing, and going through similar things. And that we’re not alone.

Hope is offered. So is understanding. Often, sound advice and creative ideas are, too. Sometimes a laugh, which always helps. {{{{hugs}}}} are priceless.

Pretty soon, even if a solution isn’t in sight, a warm glow fills us and we revive, ready to try again. Just because someone, somewhere, believes…….

So thank you, my friends, for all the times you clap for me. Just know that I’m clapping for you, too. I do believe! I do believe!


So, for all of you who regularly come by and visit, sharing wisdom and laughter and commiseration, this is for you. No rules. Just a thank you. I really, really mean it. It’s yours. Share it with whomever you choose.





BTW, image gotten from imagebase.davidniblack.com. a free image source. Way cool site.

>Do You See A Theme Here?

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Hello Friends, I’m breaking my schedule here. My last two posts were either kind of dark or heavy or self absorbed, so I wanted to leave you something fun for the rest of the week. But, alas, it’s been another banner day. 
The fierceness of the itchy red bumps has greatly eased off. And they’re even looking a little bit lighter, which is great, because I look really weird. I’m still not sleeping as much as I need, but that’s also starting to improve. It’s the Benedryl I’m still taking. The anxiety attacks have stopped, thankfully. But things that put other people to sleep usually make me wired to the nth degree. However, that, too, seems to be wearing off. Wow, lots of goodness going on. 
But, today….*shameful facepalm*…..today I was a bad, bad mommy. I forgot Kitty Boss at the Vet!!!!!!!!!
She had her yearly physical and I reminded Honey to drop her off. He didn’t need reminding, of course, but I did it anyway, just in case. One would think it would occur to him to remind me, too. But no. His reply was that in the three years we’ve had her, I’ve never forgotten. Why would he think I would forget now? Well, dang, how do I answer that?
This evening, when leaving work, I had a whole list of things I needed to pick up on the way home, until I remembered that Honey had made a deposit for me and had my debit card. So, what did I do? I went straight home.
So you can imagine my surprise, shock, horror, and shame when he called at 7pm and told me I had left her. 
There is good news, though. They were having a meeting and said I could still come get her. I made a 20 minute drive in just under 8. Don’t ask for details. I swear I will lie. Yes, they teased me terribly, and we all had a good laugh. But I felt like the mom who forgot to pick up her kid from ball practice. 
Fortunately, Kitty Boss still loves me and was happy to be home. Didn’t you miss her, you might ask? Well, no. Typically, she stays in her daddy’s office until he comes home. She’s a daddy’s girl, unless I’m fixing her nightly treat of a smidgeon of canned food or I go looking for her.
So, in honor of today’s events, I found some cute little LOLs to go along with the theme of absent mindedness. I hope you enjoy them and have a great week.

>Caution: Evil Lurking Ahead!!!!!

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Have you ever had the pleasure of taking a significant round of Prednisone? Well, let me tell you. See this kitty on the left? That’s pretty much how it makes me feel on the inside.

All sorts of evil and mean things run through my mind and try to come out of my mouth, but I believe I do a pretty good job keeping them behind my teeth. At least no one has ever told me otherwise. And I’m sure it’s not because they’re afraid of me or anything like that.

See, I was nine days into my antibiotic (for the previously mentioned severe congestion, sinus and ear infections). Nine days. The first antibiotic was omnicef. Not sure I spelled that right. Don’t really care. The point is that one gave me a wicked migraine and, um….tummy issues. So the good doctor gives me a sulfur based one. I took it for nine days. Just one more day to go and I would be free!

Thursday night, I’m getting ready to take a shower and go to bed. A little TMI coming up……I take off my capris and said a couple blue words. I was covered in red, mean looking dots. Holy crap, Batman! They’re all over me, literally, from scalp to feet. And suddenly, I’m aware of them. They itch and burn.

I call Director and we both believe it’s a reaction to the med. Friday at the Center is gonna be a hectic one-one teacher out and another substituting in the lunchroom. Plus, it’s our Mother’s Day celebration in which moms, grandmoms, aunts, and pretty much anyone else is invited to join us for breakfast, lunch, and/or snack. So I can’t be out. Director would never tell me that. I just knew how much she needed everyone to be there.

However, as soon as she sees me, she tells me to stay as long as I feel like it then go to the doctor. Evangeline strongly encouraged me to get an appointment asap (thanks!) and I left as soon as her break was over. The good doc was worried. He said it could be a serious thing to react to a sulfur based drug so he gave me a shot and a big ol’ round of evil making pills.

Except for Saturday, so far, I’ve not been too bad emotionally. Well……I could be wrong. My Mother’s Day post was kind of dark. And this feels a bit whiny. Hmmmm. Maybe I’m not being as vigilant as I thought I was. Sorry. And as I reread this, I think my verb tenses are all over the place, dang! Ah well….

Anyway, all that to explain where I’ve been the last several days, and likely for several more. Plus, I’ve actually been slowly plugging away at the two wips. I’ve added 4k to Tangi’s story and there’s more to put on the ‘puter. I’m doing a lot of longhand writing during nap time (when I can). I have another scene to add to Tangi and I’m sort of rewriting the nano, ugh.

So, that’s what I’ve been up to and where I’ll likely be. I’ll pop in unexpectedly when I can. Till then, take care and be safe! Have a great week 🙂

OH, PS!!! Guess what my bp was? Well, in spite of the painful condition I was in, as well as the anxiety attacks brought on by the benedryl I was taking (antihistamines do it to me) it was 130 over 80, wow! Yay!!!! Now, I just have to incorporate regular exercise into my new-ish diet and it will be even better *happy dance* ‘K, just wanted to share something good. TTFN 🙂

>Words: A Letter To Mom

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Well, it’s Mother’s Day. For some of us, that’s a complicated day. Yes, I loved my mother and I choose to believe she loved me. I’ve stated in the past that ours was a very complicated relationship. It helps to know that she was sick for a really long time, and I’m not talking about her condition. I’m talking about her depression. And of course the grandmother was the root of much evil, but that’s a story for another day….
My mother had diabetes and the last insulin she was put on was later (after her death) blamed for many deaths. My sister and I discussed whether we should pursue a law suit. In the end, we didn’t want to relive the pain and horror of it all over and over again. And truly, Mom suffered horribly. We had all been through enough, so we let it go. 
Mom entered the hospital for what the doctors told us would be the last time. We’d been here so many times before….I worked second shift then and I cleared it with the head nurse on duty to come after 12am and sit with her. Of course when I arrived, another nurse was on duty and she said I absolutely could not visit at that hour. I told her that. I. was. sitting. with. my. mother. She left me alone.
I sat for just over an hour with Mom. Her breathing was difficult but there was such a feeling of peace about her. She told me I needed to go home and get some sleep. I said I was staying. I am as stubborn as she ever was, and that’s saying something. We sat in a companionable silence most of the time. It was enough. Finally, knowing that I was worrying her, I kissed her on the cheek and told her I loved her and she said she loved me too. Those were the last words we ever spoke to each other while she was alive. Again, another story…..
When I came home from her funeral, still in my dress, I sat down and wrote her a letter. It came out almost exactly as you will see it here. It was the second poem I put on my poetry blog…..it’s a pretty good summation of our relationship.

I think of the words

I should say
sitting here with you
Please don’t worry
it’ll be okay
knowing they’re all untrue
There is no future
only the past
thoughts lay heavy in my mind
The second hand’s turning
time’s slipping fast
I’ll give you what I can find
Fumbling through the memories
locked deep in my heart
I cry out in despair
So many times
words tore us apart
neither of us seemed to care
We gave plenty of words in anger
and quite a few in blame
too many now that can’t be taken back
Saddened with bitter regret
I lower my head in shame
I’m stunned by the courage we lack
How simple it would have been
to say I understand
forgive the things I do
I wonder if we had
would you have taken my hand
could we ever have said I love you
Still we shared many a laugh
good times lasted for miles
I wish you could come home
I want to go with you
I guess I’ll stay for a while
I’m afraid of being alone
Words really aren’t needed
we know each other too well
the past already forgot
You leave me here
in my sweet private hell
I watch as the second hand stops
RSM 4/20/1994

>A to Z Challenge-My Thoughts

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It’s reflection time for the A to Z Challenge.

I know! I know! I had to drop out. I was pretty bummed, too.

Here’s how I did:

I pre-scheduled posts all the way to ‘J’ and rough drafted to ‘P’ so I felt pretty darn good about that.

During the first three days (yeah, I cheated on Sunday!), I visited at least 175 blogs. I figured I’d get to as many as possible at the beginning and cruise the rest of the way.

Afterward, I visited about 10 new blogs a day (thanks, Marcus, for the linky buttons!), plus I made sure to visit my blogging friends who weren’t in the challenge. I also did pretty good visiting everyone who left a comment.

Then, life happened. Apparently, April is a terrible month to plan anything. The Center has a lot going on in April every year and I thought I could stay ahead of it. I thought wrong. 

I also got bitten by some low-life bug from Hades and it wiped me out for nearly two weeks. If I’m sick enough to not care about my ‘puter, I’m SICK. I went a whole week without opening it up. Dang.

While I was laying around feeling crappy with no one to talk to, my muse came to visit. Suddenly, all sorts of ideas were popping into my brain-pan. She wouldn’t go away; she just kept bringing me scenes, solutions, and new ideas. I’d toyed with these two wips for so long, I felt I really needed to pay attention and follow her.  That meant that I would have to drop out of the Challenge.

So, would I do it again next year?

Well, here’s the thing. I met some really cool new bloggers. I read some very interesting, funny, insightful and just plain neat stuff. I also managed to make sure I visited my non-Challenge friends, which I felt was important.

So, yeah, I’d do it again. IF…..it could be done a little differently. I read a few bloggers’ comments about how they loved the experience, but felt very overwhelmed by it all. One suggestion was to have the co-hosts limit the linkys to a certain amount, and this got me to thinking…..

What if the co-hosts each put up linkys and people signed up on them and they weren’t duplicates. Each co-host could have maybe 200-250 Challengers. Let’s say I’m on Alex’s linky. I visit the people on that hosts site. If I finish that, then I can move on to another hosts sight.

Does that make sense to you? If we all visited the blogs listed on our own hosts sight, we’ll have visited at least 200 or so blogs. Then, we can move on. That way, it’s not so overwhelming and everyone will stand a better chance of having new visitors to their blogs.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. It was a lot of fun while I did it and I really really hated that I had to drop out. I don’t like quitting.

What are your thoughts about my idea?