Blog Archives

>Words: A Letter To Mom

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Well, it’s Mother’s Day. For some of us, that’s a complicated day. Yes, I loved my mother and I choose to believe she loved me. I’ve stated in the past that ours was a very complicated relationship. It helps to know that she was sick for a really long time, and I’m not talking about her condition. I’m talking about her depression. And of course the grandmother was the root of much evil, but that’s a story for another day….
My mother had diabetes and the last insulin she was put on was later (after her death) blamed for many deaths. My sister and I discussed whether we should pursue a law suit. In the end, we didn’t want to relive the pain and horror of it all over and over again. And truly, Mom suffered horribly. We had all been through enough, so we let it go. 
Mom entered the hospital for what the doctors told us would be the last time. We’d been here so many times before….I worked second shift then and I cleared it with the head nurse on duty to come after 12am and sit with her. Of course when I arrived, another nurse was on duty and she said I absolutely could not visit at that hour. I told her that. I. was. sitting. with. my. mother. She left me alone.
I sat for just over an hour with Mom. Her breathing was difficult but there was such a feeling of peace about her. She told me I needed to go home and get some sleep. I said I was staying. I am as stubborn as she ever was, and that’s saying something. We sat in a companionable silence most of the time. It was enough. Finally, knowing that I was worrying her, I kissed her on the cheek and told her I loved her and she said she loved me too. Those were the last words we ever spoke to each other while she was alive. Again, another story…..
When I came home from her funeral, still in my dress, I sat down and wrote her a letter. It came out almost exactly as you will see it here. It was the second poem I put on my poetry blog…..it’s a pretty good summation of our relationship.

I think of the words

I should say
sitting here with you
Please don’t worry
it’ll be okay
knowing they’re all untrue
There is no future
only the past
thoughts lay heavy in my mind
The second hand’s turning
time’s slipping fast
I’ll give you what I can find
Fumbling through the memories
locked deep in my heart
I cry out in despair
So many times
words tore us apart
neither of us seemed to care
We gave plenty of words in anger
and quite a few in blame
too many now that can’t be taken back
Saddened with bitter regret
I lower my head in shame
I’m stunned by the courage we lack
How simple it would have been
to say I understand
forgive the things I do
I wonder if we had
would you have taken my hand
could we ever have said I love you
Still we shared many a laugh
good times lasted for miles
I wish you could come home
I want to go with you
I guess I’ll stay for a while
I’m afraid of being alone
Words really aren’t needed
we know each other too well
the past already forgot
You leave me here
in my sweet private hell
I watch as the second hand stops
RSM 4/20/1994

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>A Tribute For Gypsy And Roland…..

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My friends, it has truly been a difficult week. I found out early yesterday morning that Roland’s beloved Gypsy had crossed over the Rainbow Bridge. 

I cannot describe what a joy and a blessing it is to have a furry little companion that gives you unconditional love and acceptance when you’re otherwise very alone in this world.

They see the secret you.

The one that cries and worries. The one that teeters on the brink of absolute despair and wonders if tomorrow even needs to come.

They see the one that smiles when a friend calls or comes by because they were thinking of you. The one that sheds quiet, happy tears over thoughtful emails and paper cards.

Through it all, they sit by you, cuddle with you, and watch over you while you sleep. They wait patiently for you when you leave, trusting that you will return to them. The joy they express when you do is genuine – they miss you.

They even draw you out of yourself in the guise of play. They love it when you laugh.

They become your confidant, your companion, cherished beyond description.

And saying good-bye to them is very nearly more than you can bear…..

I’ve been there.

Back in January, another friend’s companion crossed over the Rainbow Bridge and I wrote this for him. I’m reposting it, now, for Gypsy and Roland…..

Bless the Beasts and the Children, for in this world they have no choice, they have no voice…  by Karen Carpenter
Tiny little paws make permanent prints all over our souls. 
They come into our lives,
on purpose,
by accident, 
as miracles.
The lucky ones are cherished.
We let them in.
We feed them,
bathe them,
keep them safe
and warm
and healthy.
And they give.
Always.
Laughter.
Love.
Loyalty.
Companionship.
Comfort.
They trust.
And love.
Unconditionally.
And when they leave,
they tear a hole in our hearts.
Broken and devastated,
we honor them
with our tears,
our pain, 
and our recollection
of all the time we shared with them.
Laughing.
Playing.
Cuddling.
Being.
This week,
a friend of ours
was left behind.
His cherished companion
crossed over the Rainbow Bridge,
leaving behind sad faces and broken hearts,
as well as sickness and pain.
It isn’t easy, 
letting them go.
Love is a double edged sword.
It heals
and cuts
and heals again.
And one day,
we’ll follow shadowy prints
over a bridge,
through a misty veil…..
and be greeted by 
warm fuzzy kisses, 
excited barks
and happy purrs.
Till that day,
may they always run
over fields that are green
and under skies that are blue.
…..for Gypsy and Roland
RSM 1/6/2011

>Some Quick Catching Up!

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Yay!!! We made it to Caturday!!!
It’s been an interesting week.
And a hard one.
Prayers for everyone affected by the catastrophic quake/tsunami in Japan.
Also, don’t forget about all the people here at home who are experiencing flooding….
Honey fixed my technical problems. 
Thinking I had a terrible virus, we installed a protection program.
Then we learned, er, Honey learned, that our router was bad.
It was 8 years old and on it’s last spark.
He got a new one and things should have been great.
The problems worsened. Turned out, the program became the problem!
Uninstalled and working fine, now. Whew!
I want to thank everyone who stopped by for Roland’s tour.
Today, he and Hibbs are in Aussie-Land, visiting Denise.
Stop by and check out her interview.
It’s like a trip into another world!
And remember, there’s a contest for some awesome books, 
signed by the authors!
This is what I hope to be doing later.
Cat-napping.
Have a wonderful and safe Caturday!

>News, Information, A Head’s Up, And Some Pondering……

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Hello friends,

I wanted to share this link with you. Lola Sharp from Sharp Pen/Dull Sword sent me info concerning Lisa Madigan’s son. A trust fund is being set up for him and donations are being accepted. If you would like more information, just click here. I’m sure any amount whatsoever would be greatly appreciated. And please, keep him and his father in your thoughts and prayers.

Also, please remember all the people affected by the earthquake in New Zealand. The devastation is catastrophic…..

Maybe it’s all this sad news (including  the news about Zahra Baker – remember, she lived in my city), but I’ve been in a strange, melancholy funk this evening. The gorgeous weather (I love cold, gray, foggy, rainy days…thrive on them) didn’t help as it usually would. I’ve been thinking a lot about the word ‘legacy’ and all it implies. There’s a blog post coming…..I just have to sort it out.

Do you ever think about the legacy you’re leaving behind?

On a lighter note, tune in Sunday for a special announcement; you won’t want to miss it.

Too, a big, giant shout out to everyone who made the first round of ABNA!!!!!!!! Congratulations!!!!!

This is a strange post, I know. And I haven’t been around to visit. I’ve actually avoided the computer…..yep, my brain-pan is working on something, for sure.

Hope you’ve survived the week intact and relatively sane. Hang in there, Caturday is coming!

>Some Sad News

>Please play this as you read…..

Ah, my bloggy friends, my heart is broken…..

The lovely Lola Sharp left some sad information on my previous post, and I feel I should pass along the news.

I don’t even know how to begin…..

Lisa Madigan, award winning author of The Mermaid’s Mirror, died today. I only ‘met’ her when someone else posted about her diagnosis (stage IV pancreatic cancer) and her last blog post, which you can read here. It’s an amazing post, especially considering everything she was going through mentally, physically, and emotionally at the time. I was so moved by it that when the weekend finally came, I went to B & N and bought their last copy of Mermaid’s Mirror.

I went back occasionally to read the post and prayed that she would be healed, that she’d beat the beast that had invaded her body. I hoped with all my heart that she’d have a chance to write the sequel to M’s M, visit more sunny beaches….have more time with her husband and son (read her post).

I never actually ‘met’ her. But she was a fellow blogger. She was a fellow writer. We’re a part of the same wonderful ‘family,’ the same supportive and incredible community…….and because of that, I feel a sense of loss.

My thoughts and prayers are with her husband and her son…..

And if mermaids are real, a mournful chorus will be heard across the seas tonight……

>Winners, Updates, And Some News…..

>All right. Maybe it’s part of getting older, but I gotta tell you. I’m ready for the snow to go. I’ve loved winter all my life, but this year, I just can’t deal with it. Snow days are great. Except, I can’t seem to get back into the swing of things. And all this dry weather has wreaked havoc on my sinuses (and nearly everyone else’s I’ve talked to).

On a funnier note, the dry weather has caused a comical, but terribly frustrating problem. In the mornings, while getting ready for work, I can’t do anything with my hair. It has so much static, it literally stands straight up, and then plasters itself to my face. Un. Bee. Leave. Able.

All that to say this: I finally drew names Thursday night. Old followers got their names put in twice and new followers once. I printed off the names according to the sets specified, cut them out, folded them twice, and put them in a pot. Yep, a pot. Then I let Honey draw from each set while he watched Family Guy.

The winners are:

What the Night Knows-Val Zdero
Odd Thomas-Summer Frey
Harry Potter-Melissa Wideen
Narnia-L. Diane Wolf
Creeper Calendar-Lola Sharp
Steampunk Calendar-Lydia Kang
Zen of Zombie-Ellie Garrett
Watchers-Carol Kilgore

Congratulations to the winners and many thanks to everyone who entered. This has been a lot of fun for me 🙂

Unexpectedly, I have had several things come up that I have to take care of tomorrow, so I don’t know how quickly I will be able to get to the post office. I will try to have everyone’s package mailed out by the end of next week, if not sooner.

Reading Updates:

First of all, Theresa encouraged me to join in the 12 Literary Resolutions for 2011. Ann from Inkspots & Quills found this great list of literary resolutions. And guess what? They’re doable!!!!! Theresa’s in and so am I. Evangeline (Co-Teacher) is also going to do it, yay!!! Why don’t you check it out and think about joining us?

 For the month of January, we’re supposed to read a classic novel. I’m reading these two (since they’re pretty short):

Wednesday night, I was exhausted. As soon as I got home, I got ready for bed. Literally. And, once I was snuggled under the electric blanket, Roo tucked under the covers beside me and Kitty Boss between my feet, I finished two books: 

This book, for me, was very different. And I loved it. Today, I loaned it to Assistant Director and I really want to know her opinion of it. It made me cry at the end (like a really good book should).

If any of you have ever read this, please let me know how you felt about it. I’m not going to do a review; I’m just going to recommend it.

This is the book I won a while back in a contest Theresa hosted. I read it in an hour, but let me tell you, it’s a beautiful read. Lyrical. Haunting. Insightful. Dreadful. Healing. And, there’s a sequel! You know I’m gonna get it, right? Again, no review (it’s the middle of the night and I’m sleepy), but I’m going to highly, highly recommend it. Thank you so much, Theresa!

As soon as I finish my two classics, I’m going to read the book from Lisa Maliga, Notes From Nadir, woohoo! I’m making up for last year, for sure!

Okay, now for some news. Warning –  it’s some hard news. I was running through facebook and read a post Theresa had put up. Fellow blogger, and published author, L. K. Madigan was recently diagnosed with Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer. I read the author’s post, and I was moved to tears. What courage! What grace!

Theresa’s post on facebook (and I would link it but I don’t know how to link a post from fb) pointed out that Ms. Madigan had just published a book (her second) that came out in October, and perhaps her family would be aided by sales of the book. It’s called The Mermaid’s Mirror and I found my copy in the Teen section of B & N tonight after work.

I found out that her first book was well received, even winning an award, so I’m really looking forward to reading this one. She and her family will be in my prayers.

I’m posting about this and adding a link to B & N on my sidebar, hoping that curious people will either buy the book, blog about the situation, or both.

Also, please remember to keep our friends who live in Aussie-Land in your thoughts and prayers. Many of them have friends and family who have been displaced by the terrible flooding. Denise from L’Aussie Writing published this link on her facebook page. It’s an anthology of short stories, 500-1,000 words, any genre, any age. And, 100% of the sales profit goes to the Flood Relief Fund.

Please take a moment to read the link and consider doing a post, linking on your sidebar, and/or submitting a story for the anthology.

I think that almost catches everything up. I’ll be around sometime tomorrow. I really enjoyed visiting Monday and Tuesday (snow days) and I got spoiled. Sigh……

I can’t stop yawning now, so I’m off to bed. It’s 2:45 am, but I think I’ll schedule this to post later. I don’t know anyone who’d be awake at this hour……

Have a wonderful, and SAFE weekend!

>I’m Absent Today….Here’s Why

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It’s Saturday and I’m usually around the blogasphere visiting everyone…
However, today is a bit off.
The first reason it’s off is because last night I stayed up reading a new book.
It’s rather different and it has me completely sucked in. 
Already operating on no sleep, I crashed sometime after 2 am and slept way too late.
I may do a Teaser Tuesday post and give you a hint.
Or, I could just do a recent reads post later….
I’ll have to see.
  
The other reason I’m a bit off today is because I’ve been giving a lot of thought about the best way to go about editing my nano story.
I’ve edited short stories and poems, but that’s quite different.
With those, I edit as I go – they’re pretty small and easy to handle.
A whole book?!!!
This is a brand new ballgame for me.
It doesn’t help that in the middle of writing it, I made some core changes and I have to take all those into considerations. 
Still, I think I have an idea….
The other reason is that I’ve got to hurry and get a few things done because we’re supposed to go to Furby’s house and have a small cookout.
It’s extremely windy right now, though.
I don’t know if that will affect the plans.
We’ll see….
I wanted to thank everyone for their kind words about Kenny.
Over the last couple months, Laughingwolf had taken him to the vet several times.
This week, he took him for the last time.
My heart goes out to Laughingwolf and his family.
Kenny will be sorely missed.
Okay, I’m off to see how much I can get done.
I hope your weekend is easy and I’ll catch up either later tonight or in the morning.

>For Kenny…..A Tribute

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Bless the Beasts and the Children, for in this world they have no choice, they have no voice…  by Karen Carpenter
Tiny little paws make permanent prints all over our souls. 
They come into our lives,
on purpose,
by accident, 
as miracles.
The lucky ones are cherished.
We let them in.
We feed them,
bathe them,
keep them safe
and warm
and healthy.
And they give.
Always.
Laughter.
Love.
Loyalty.
Companionship.
Comfort.
They trust.
And love.
Unconditionally.
And when they leave,
they tear a hole in our hearts.
Broken and devastated,
we honor them
with our tears,
our pain, 
and our recollection
of all the time we shared with them.
Laughing.
Playing.
Cuddling.
Being.
This week,
a friend of ours
was left behind.
His cherished companion
crossed over the Rainbow Bridge,
leaving behind sad faces and broken hearts,
as well as sickness and pain.
It isn’t easy, 
letting them go.
Love is a double edged sword.
It heals
and cuts
and heals again.
And one day,
we’ll follow shadowy prints
over a bridge,
through a misty veil…..
and be greeted by 
warm fuzzy kisses, 
excited barks
and happy purrs.
Till that day,
may they always run
over fields that are green
and under skies that are blue.
…..for Kenny
RSM 1/6/2011